Red Flags

Answering “yes” to any of the questions below indicates a red flag. Multiple “yes” answers may require you to re-examine your relationship more closely.
  • Does your partner reject your right to decide if you’ll use birth control?
  • Does your partner reject your right to decide to work at a paid job?
  • Does your partner refuse to let you spend time alone?
  • Is your partner upset you have your own friends?
  • Is your partner displeased at your accomplishments and ambitions?
  • Does your partner have trouble accepting the fact that women can be as wise, confident, strong, decisive and independent as men?
  • Does your partner refuse to talk or listen?
  • Does your partner hide from you the fact that his/her feelings are hurt?
  • Does your partner think it’s bad for men to show they are weak or vulnerable and to cry sometimes?
  • Is your partner unable to express affection aside from the times he/she is sorry for abusing you, and when your partner wants sex?
  • Does your partner dislike or degrade his mother or sister?
  • Does your partner lack good friends?
  • Does your partner lack interests beside you?
  • When angry, does your partner break or throw things?
  • Does your partner lose his temper over small things, especially when partner doesn’t perform as well as he/she would like?
  • Does your partner ask you about other partners in your past?
  • Does your partner always want to know where you’ve been while you were out?
  • Does your partner believe only husbands should make important decisions?
  • Does your partner reject your opinion?
  • Does your partner think there are any circumstances in which it is okay for a man/woman to hit a partner?
  • Is your partner jealous of your friends or relatives?
  • Does your partner think you are with another when you are not home or when he/she calls?
  • Does your partner think men should earn more than women in the same job?
  • Does your partner especially want sons and associates fathering boys with masculinity?
  • Does your partner think you have enough education even though you still want to go to school?
  • Does your partner get angry if meals are late or food isn’t just right?
  • Does your partner take over when you are having trouble doing something whether you want him/her to or not?
  • When your partner is hurt, does he/she act angry instead?
  • Does your partner silently sulk when angry?
  • Does your partner ridicule you for being stupid or for characteristics typical of women?
  • Do you like yourself less than usual when you have been with your partner?
  • Has your partner spent time in jail?
  • Was your partner abused as a child?
  • Does your partner sometimes put you on a pedestal, saying he/she doesn’t deserve you?
  • Are there some qualities you especially like about yourself that your partner disapproves of or ridicules?
  • When you have acted independently, has your partner called you a “women’s libber” or a “dyke”?
  • Has your partner been in fist fights or hit others with whom he/she has been involved?
  • Has your partner ignored your feelings?
  • Has your partner continually criticized you, called you names or shouted at you?
  • Has your partner ridiculed or insulted your religion, race, heritage or social class?
  • Has your partner withheld approval, appreciation or affection as punishment?
  • Does your partner insult your friends and family?
  • Does your partner humiliate you either in private or public?
  • Does your partner refuse to socialize with you?
  • Does your partner try to keep you from working?
  • Does your partner try to control your money?
  • Does your partner try to make all the decisions?
  • Does your partner make excuses for not working?
  • Is it all right to spend your money, but not your partner’s?
  • Does your partner’s punishment of children seem excessive?
  • Does your partner tell you about past affairs?
  • Is your partner abusive to pets?
  • Does your partner tell “anti-woman” jokes or make demeaning remarks about women?
  • Does your partner treat women as sexual objects?
  • Does your partner get jealous and assume you would have sex with anyone?
  • Has your partner publicly shown sexual interest in other men or women?
  • Does your partner call you names like “whore” or “frigid”?
  • Has your partner had affairs after agreeing to a monogamous relationship?
  • Does your partner assume the right to control how you live and behave?
  • Do you rehearse what you will say so as not to make your partner angry?
  • Does your partner bewilder you by switching from charm to rage without warning?
  • Do you often feel confused, off balance or inadequate with your partner?
  • Does your partner blame you for everything that goes wrong?
  • DO YOU FEAR YOUR PARTNER’S REACTIONS?